By Bonnie Brown

Columnist

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” 

While many attribute this poetic verse to Shakespeare, Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote it.  She implied that these some 44 sonnets were written in Portuguese and that she had translated them, when she herself composed them in English.  Critics agree that she wrote them not so much as a literary piece but as a personal affirmation of her love for her husband, Robert Browning. 

Their romance began when Robert wrote to Elizabeth after reading a volume of her poems.  Unlike many courtships, theirs continued for 20 months and 600 letters.  They didn’t meet for 5 months after the initial correspondence. Because Elizabeth’s controlling father forbid his 12 children to marry, Robert and Elizabeth secretly married before moving to Italy.  When Mr. Barrett learned of the marriage, he disinherited Elizabeth.  Two of his other children who married were also disinherited.  Robert and Elizabeth spent the next 15 years in Italy until Elizabeth died in her husband’s arms in June of 1861.

What we current-day critics can declare is that relationships often inspire us to stop and systematically analyze why we are drawn to someone, other than the initial attraction to his/her physical attributes, the magic, and romance.   The chemistry may be so intense that we have to stand back and logically assess what qualities they possess—integrity, intelligence, kindness, compassion, fidelity. 

And to ask questions such as how compatible are we?  Do we have the same value system, life goals, interests?  Early in our romance, we often overlook little annoyances that can become downright exasperating over time.  But if you continue to grow together, the attraction remains, and you find your rhythm as a couple.  

So, on this Valentine’s Day, do you plan to celebrate Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.).  Rather than consider your “singleness” as a sad negative, celebrate your single life.  It has been suggested that singles not go on a first or blind date, but rather plan a party for other singles, travel, or treat yourself to a special gift.  And the best advice is to NOT drunk dial an “ex.”  

And for those in a committed relationship, what can you do other than the Hallmark card to impress your special one and convey your feelings in a way that’s not too cheesy?  Will the expensive dinner be romantic, or just expensive?  The most powerful way to convey your feelings might just be to make it a point to show how much you care each day in little ways.  Are you considerate?  Are you polite?  Do you put his/her feelings above your own?  Making a conscious effort to show your love can take a little energy, but doing so will give you great joy.  

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  1.  He takes out the garbage; 2.  He pays the bills; 3.  He helps with housework; 4.  He picks up his clothes—he even does laundry;  5.  He compliments me each day in some way; 6.  He’s a wonderful father and grandfather; 7.  He has a sense of humor and makes me laugh; 8.  He’s kind, intelligent, and interesting; 9.  He is a gentleman always; 10. He cares about me. 

I could go on about my significant other, my beloved husband Tom.  It was easy to compile the list.  I think he’s an amazing man and that I’m a lucky woman.  Why?  Because we show love and appreciation for one another every day.  There’s communication, acceptance, total commitment, compromise, forgiveness, honesty, and sharing.  

Be mindful and make your Valentine a priority.  Happy Valentine’s Day!