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Friday, October 24, 2014

Jerseys don’t win football games, so calm down

COLUMN: I really should’ve audited some sort of fashion merchandising classes when I was enrolled at Ole Miss. I also should’ve attended some of the classes I was actually enrolled in, but alas.

A full week after their debut, the forthcoming 2013 Ole Miss football uniforms are still dominating chatter among hardcore Rebels fans. Sure, there’s some chatter about Andy Kennedy’s (deserved) contract extension, the glut of depth on the football roster that produced a glorified practice of a Red-Blue game and the small matter of Mike Bianco’s ever-infuriating baseball team leaping back to life with six consecutive SEC wins in two weekend sweeps.

But yes, let’s talk stripes and patterns and such.

I’m outraged! The Rebels have just thrown away tradition!

Huh? Everything I saw from the press release was still red, white and blue. There’s nothing metallic or matte, nor is there a center-mounted image of a snarling black bear on the helmets (this happened last week, too. Google “Connecticut football uniforms” if you dare).

And besides, no one smells their own “tradition” farts more often than Notre Dame, and the Irish played in some wretched, gaudy variant uniforms last year because Adidas wanted them to.

These new uniforms look totally different. Why break with a consistent, classic look?

Help me here: When have the Ole Miss football uniforms really been consistent? Every time I dig through old media guides for a stat, I’m appalled by the garish shadowing on the jersey numbers during the Eli era. Following that, Ed Orgeron took the

names off to mimic USC (and boy did that work!) and then Houston Nutt screwed up the one tradition I thought was a tradition: Wearing red jerseys for big games only. I thought red jerseys were for beating LSU, not losing to Kentucky.

Exactly my point! We should never change our uniforms!

Why?

Because Alabama never does!

Look around, folks: This ain’t Tuscaloosa. And just because Bama goes minimalist, winning football games and changing the color of your britches aren’t mutually exclusive events. Just look at Oregon.

That would be awful! The next thing you know we’ll have 20 more of these things and be the Oregon of the SEC!

Oh man, that would suck. Going to national title games and winning Rose Bowls and recruiting nationally and gobs of major media and selling millions of dollars of merchandise and swimming in a river of Nike money. The horror.

Well, I absolutely hate (insert particular uniform variation here).

That’s cool. Do you play college football currently? Are you planning on doing so in the future, meaning that you’re a teenage boy? No? Then no one’s living and dying by your outrage.

The “REBELS” print on the side of the pants is awful.

I thought a bunch of you were convinced there was a slow forming conspiracy to remove the name “Rebels” altogether. Can you send me an updated pamphlet or something? I’m confused.

Aren’t you a little mad?

I do have a bone to pick, but not with the duds themselves – the first look the public and media got were plain Jane photos of players in the new uniforms against a white background. Poor Bo Wallace looked miserable. Contrast that with the new uniform updates for Georgia — Nike created cool looking press images that the national media jumped on. That was a rare misstep by the otherwise impeccable new regime of Ole Miss sports marketing.

No powder blues
The worst part is that there’s still no powder blues!

I don’t have intel on this, but allow me to state my hunch: The powder blues are dead. My humble opinion on the matter is that, while considered cool to some, the powder blues are forever a symbol of a period in which Ole Miss was a crumbling, mismanaged shell of a program. Why celebrate that?

I guess you just don’t care about tradition.

I guess you just don’t care about winning football games, rebranding an antiquated public image, attracting recruits and joining the year 2013. And besides, the blue pants /white jerseys / blue numbers combo looks BOSS. (April 24, 2013, Page 8)

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    One Response to “Jerseys don’t win football games, so calm down”

    1. Bill McMurtray says:

      Your Bally pinball style is easily written, but not very becoming. Therefore you could never choose any appearl for me including my teams uniforms.
      Wishing for you, advancement in the future.

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